a description of the amazing and exciting adventures i have here in baltimore--- and other lies.

 
Riding on the MTA is always good for a laugh. Usually, my motus moveri is the bus, and I always have a good time waiting and riding. One such example is this sparkling conversation:
Stereotypical Hamdenesque, Slightly Tipsy Woman: Boy, shure is wet tonight. Wet and damp.
Me: (no response)
SHSTW: You know, in Las Vegas it never rains. What, it ray-ins onluh two times a year. That must be paradise!
Me: hmmmmhmmm.
SHSTW: I want to move to Nevada. Do you think I could move to Nevada? Do you think they have jobs there? Do you think that anyone works in that place and someone can get a job and be workin' in that place in the desert?
Me: Well, the Nevadans have the jobs.
SHSTW: Must be paradise living in a place you can get a job. You know though, you can get cancer. John Wayne got cancer, so did all the people who were in that film he was in, when they were shootin' it? They all got cancer, because they were right next to the place where they had those nuklear bombs. Allovem. Got cancer. John Wayne died 'cos of that cancer. Cancer kills. You know that? Cancer kills. (Takes puff of cigarette.)
(pauses)
MMMMMMMMM. Must be paradise in Nevada, with no rain.



It became paradise for me when the bus came and she stopped talking.

posted by gregorio at 9:44 PM

 
Drew Curtis' FARK has brought me great joy in the past, but today's link of the The Random Dr. Phil Quote Generator has really tickled me pink. For those of you who are fortunate enough not to know who this latest in psychiatric bottom feeding is, Dr. Phil McGraw:

Life Strategist Dr. Phillip C. Mcgraw hosts nationally syndicated series Dr. Phil. Known to millions as the human behavior expert from The Oprah Winfrey Show, Dr. Phil is also a #1 New York Times best-selling author and co-founder of Courtroom Sciences, Inc., the world's leading litigation consulting firm. Drawing on 25 years of experience in psychology and human functioning, Dr. Phil deals with real issues in his signature "tell-it-like-it-is" style. (from his website)

the "tell it like it is" style is, by and large, his incoherent, rambling, folksy sayings. imagine dan rather as a head shrinker, and you got it.
anyway, the The Random Dr. Phil Quote Generator is quite the hoot, producing gems like:

You don't need broken fingers to join the Jehovah's Witnesses.
You don't need Dr. Phil's permission to cry a lot.
You don't need Anna Nicole Smith to get drunk and pass out.

and my favourite, "You don't need a badger to throw a brick at a turtle."

the question one often asks oneself after seeing these asshats on tv is usually: "how did this moron get a show?"
the question one should really ask is: "who are their agents, and what are their numbers?"

posted by gregorio at 4:36 PM

 
the other day i received an email critiquing my blog. i say critiquing, not criticising, because i consider the former to be an honest comment, hoping to elicit change. the latter is simply being catty. and, in an effort to look to better examples of writing than my own, i perused through some different blogs.one of them is written by a friend of boucher, faustus. what a find! it is very funny, well written, and insightful. you know, this gives me a comfort. i can be as bad as i want, because there is goodness out there and people know where to find it.plus, he has many links to other blogs, which means that i can now, by reading him, expand my world twenty-five fold! this is part of the fun of blogging, for me, to read the lives of others, as examples and as ways to view the world, some of which are better articulated, perhaps,than others, but all honest attempts to see the world and experience its changes. and, it is especially fun to find people could humble even dan savage with their wit, and thereby give me hope for this world.
posted by gregorio at 9:13 PM

 
today has been chock-full of fun. as you may (or may not) know, i teach english as a second language. i find real joy in teaching grammar, and i have a flair for it.much like my writing style, i think! (now, my only shortcoming is my spelling, and i admit this to my students. it has always been my achille's heel. but, that's what spell-check is for, no?) each wednesday, i have one or the other of them choose a topic for class discussion/debate. today's was about iraq, and whether king george should or should not invade. i got quite heated! but, heated in english--- and that was alright.
later, viki bought me dinner: a delicious cheese-steak from the mighty CC caryout! yummy! and she and kemi are wearing basically the same shirt. they look like sisters, only one is half japanese, and the other is greek. they both have curly hair, and are similar in hight. so that counts, right? sure......

see how fun my life is?

finally, for those interested, i am taking applicants for my justice league. if you are interested in fair play, truth, and have an unwavering commitment to crushing evil, please consider joining by emailing me at clownx9@yahoo.com. you will have to paste and cut the mail address, because it will not link you directly. no matter, those interested should send me a resume. and if choosen, by day you will be mild mannered--- oh yes! but by night, you will fight oppression, battle injustice, and shop for value! it's the american way.
posted by gregorio at 8:05 PM

 
the last two days have certainly been fun-filled. on friday, i got a chance to drink, and drink heavily with some of my student assistan workers. justin and i played two games of beirut. for those of you who have not heard of this game, it is a variation of beer pong. however, in this game, you line up fourteen cups into a triangle form, and each team tries to shoot a ping pong ball into one of the beer filled cups. if you miss, nothing. if you pitch it in the cup, they drink. play proceeds until one side looses all their cups. justin and i, despite my meager tossing abilities, won both games, and me making a fantastic trick shot that i could never duplicate if i tried.
saturday viki, rachelle, marcello, and steve sarsen all went to the helmand (my favourite restaurant), and had a fantastic meal. vik, steve and i had a couple of nightcaps at cvp,and then stumbled home. a good time was had by all.
posted by gregorio at 5:58 PM

 
i have decided to narrow my focus while collecting militaria. of course, keeping with toy soldiers, but even here i want to get as many of the napoleonic deetail figures as possible. if you donot know what these are, go to ebay and keword "deetail waterloo." you will see my favourite toys! also, i will commence collecting military medals. the country will not be specific, i just like them. oh, and black watch and/or irish guards. now, this may seem pretty broad based. in fact, one may argue too broad. but, considering the vast amount of material out there, and the great variety of such, choosing two regiments, one toymaker and a specific award is not so absurd after all. and, now you all know what i wouldn't mind as gifts. even duplicates are fine, as i might trade them for something else in the future. that is, if i am not too busy. but, my guess is that i shall continue to manage my time well, and do it all--- even blogging!


posted by gregorio at 1:24 PM

 
i hope everyone voted. if you did not, and you bitch to me about how you hate what the government is doing, all i have to say to you is: shut your pie hole! you had a chance to help change it, and you blew it!

on another note, i want to track down this lady and ask her to join my justice league!
i am sure that the lothario mentioned is probably working for the owner of a devil dog.

and, by the way, what is it with boston terriers that make people want to dress them up in funny clothes? i was going into cuppa cabana this morning, where i had to step over a b.t., afraid i might squish it, and gingerly open the door for fear it might whack the poor, frail beast, causing grievous harm. it was wearing a sweater. not even a hand-made one, one you had to buy at a pet store. shiver.
posted by gregorio at 9:05 PM

 
so my justice league is shaping up pretty well. please let me know if you want to join, as i am taking applicants from all qualified candidates. those interested must have a love of justice, a penchant for robots, and the ability to talk through one's teeth, but the good grace not to.

soon, too, we will have a sassy name. i cannot think of an appropriate acronym, as of yet, so i will remain League of Justice, untill further notice.

posted by gregorio at 7:34 PM

 
the last few days have been a fun halloween season.
saturday, the 26th octobre, hamden had its annual costume contest. most of the participants were children, under the age of twelve. there were a few adults, and some people tried to encourage me to parade with the 13+ crowd, but i declined. it was a great parade, with prizes in individual categories for: best, funniest, and most creative. some of the most creative ones were hamden in-jokes, but, no matter! this parade/contest is of, by and for the toothless people.
and, i was able to catalogue yet another moment of Pure Anger From Children.
i don't often encounter kids in my walkaday life, and when i do it is by and large pleasant ( at least, recently. my own childhood and having to take care of other peoples' children a while back are the opposite side of the coin). this last summer kayla hired me as a substitute teacher, to fill in for a guy who had been in a car accident. it was the last weeks of "smart kids camp", as i like to call it, and the guys were getting pretty restless. all good kids, no doubt, but i had forgotten how silly eleven year old girls can be. i mention this, because this was the beginning of my catalog. while i was tutoring the 10-11 year olds, i had them play a word game. well, it was beginning to get out of control, and i said to one of them," now, come on! settle down. you're getting wild, like the animals you are studying." well, i meant this as a joke, but one of them, cathy,
became irate, and, with the indignation only a 10 or 11 year old girl can have, looked at me, and said: I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! i know, for a fact, that she has never seen the elephant man, but john merrick ain't got nothin' on her!
so begins my list. but, i can add to it, because of this years hamden halloween happening. it seems one family is very creative, and also has a lock on the "most creative" prize given. and, to be fair, the costume was pretty good. however, this did not stop a random hamden girl, probably 10 or 11, from getting mad, probably because she felt cheated of a prize rightfully hers: I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WON AGAIN! HE WINS EVERY YEAR! spoken with so much rage, that i was glad i wasn't at the prom and she wasn't carrie!

on tuesday night, the man-who-wised-up-and-left-the-grasp-of-the-most-evil-person-in-the-planet, michael, had a pumkin carving party. i thought there would be others in costume. i was so wrong. however, i did have a good time carving a rather stark, masculine pumkin with viki's friend, bill. this made great contrast to the other pumkin, a rather fetching specimen. almost coquetish, if you can say that about a gourd.

wednesday was a breakaway from all hallow's eve, and erin and i went to muvico egyptian theatre. as is our wont, we bought tickets for sweet home alabama, then proceeded to sneak into red dragon, punch drunk love, and time changer. erin is worried that we will get caught one day. i live for the thrill.

and thursday was the night! had a good meal at cc's, contemplated how long it would take for cops to tire of the "hey you guys have cool cop costumes on" joke, went to see bowling for columbine, almost got into a fight getting a cab, going to fells point, freezing our nipples off, and getting home around 1am. all in all, a good time was had by all. i took alot of pictures, and should have them developed by the end of the week, if you want to see. now, i can begin to think about next year!
posted by gregorio at 8:07 PM