a description of the amazing and exciting adventures i have here in baltimore--- and other lies.

 
i get mail.
usually it is this kind:

do you like my boobs?
I'm such a slut! i even made guys from the chess team hit it, boy they were surprised >:)MY DORM CAM FOR THE GUYS!
or:

I'm 29 years old and a little lonely
User" Tigerlily86 " Has an note for you!!
You replied to an ad of mine a little while ago and said you may be
looking for a date. I'm 29 years old and a little lonely and need to
get out and have some fun. I like the outdoors as well as fine
restaurants, but i love a fireplace and a glass of good wine and............
THE REST OF THE MESSAGE IS AT THE SITE.
User" Tigerlily86 " has a full picture profile
http://www.realhotpersonals.com

but today i got this:

Are you going to update your g--d----- blog, or what?

--A flying monkey

sent to me by a certain archenemy, who shall remain nameless.
sniff. i didn't know he cared!
however, i do want to apologize to my loyal readers for my inexcusable absence.

mea culpa.
mea maxima culpa!

however, the next few days will provide you all with the news you crave, fear not!
i can say, however, that i have formed a Justice League, with my and viki's friend darren. united against you know who.
who says evil will prevail?
quickly, my parental visit was as agnst and tense free as can be humanly possible, we all had a blast. my parents love
Viki. we had a great time at the helmand when we went there to eat.
and, remember, halloween is coming up, are you ready? be spookey, friends, be spookey.
posted by gregorio at 8:26 PM

 
halloween is nigh upon us, and i have to start getting serious. i will be receiving in the mail some parts for my costume, and between today and tomorrow will have to get a cap badge. it is not the one i want, but then again this year i am not going as all out as i have in the past, and will recycle an earlier costume. i shall, however, tweak it a little, and change some things, including the hat. i may also have to borrow rachelle's riding crop. i want to be an officer in the irish guards, wwi. i will come close enuf, i think.
however, i do have to showcase this costume, no matter how it turns out. for this, i need soirees. hopefully, i can get everyone together on this. i need to find a party (or, more to my taste, parties)on the previous weekend, and am not averse to gate crashing if i have to do so. i mean, come on, it will be halloween after all, and no one will know nobody, right?
the most disturbing news i have is that bouchers dog, goblin, will be attired for the holiday, while he will not. he has purchased horns to go with the cape the canine has now.

i suppose this will make goblin a devil dog.
posted by gregorio at 6:52 PM

 
it has been quite a whirlwind of activity from the last time i posted.
i should actually post more often, but, being that i donot have internet access at home, i am forced to either write these little missives at work, or find another venue for my creative output. of course, because i am interminably slow in the noggin, it did not occur to me to go to the hut if i want to avoid people in the bookbarn. well, i will remedy that in the future. enough apologetics, on to news!
on thursday, i had a day off. origionally, i was to be gallavanting with my parents, but scheduals did not work out that way. (which was all well and good anyway, because i got to work for erin's sister on friday, but more of that in a minuite) so, i just took the day. i decided to go see "my big fat greek wedding" at the charles. while listening to movie times, they let me know that jello biafra would be in town. i decided to make it a double feature, as the times worked out. so, off to normal's book store i went, to find an english grammar book and buy a jello ticket. no dice on that book, but i found a couple others and bought the ticket. i then decided to rent out movies other movies from video american (lotr, on dvd, death to smoochy, and scorpion king--- which wasn't as bad as i thought it might be. not great,but not horrific). greek wedding rocked, biafra was great, but i had to leave earlier than i wanted, because i had to get up early for the next day's adventure in catering.

or so i thought. erin and her friend alex, who drove, were running late. she said, be ready at 9am. i was. if i knew that they would have been late, i would have stayed at the "lecure" mr. biafra gave. despite the rain, the cookout (!) went as planned. they held it under one of the garages. they had a lot of people, but we still had food left over.
and, i don't know how this happens, but it always does: i was given the job of cooking. countless times have i been to cookouts; as many times have i manned the grill.
but, don't get me wrong, it is fun. so, i cooked my heart out, and stole some of the table decorations. the picnic had a western theme, so there were these horses and plastic farm animals as table settings. i took two equines, and a fist full of cows. they also had straw hats for us to wear, which i also took home. on top of this, i got paid $40 by kyoung, erin's sister! ka-ching! now, you may inquire, "well, i am happy for you greg, but why were you there?" good question. kyoung corralled (!)
her younger sisters and friends to help do this thing, as it was for such a large crowd. sheena, her husband sung, this alex guy, all the people who work for kyoung, and myself all worked hard. notice anyone missing? yah. she minded the store. inside. warm. dry. anyway, it was honest pay for honest work.

yesterday was of no account. i went to my church bookclub, went home, met kayla, talked with her a bit, and then met with martin, boucher (the vile one), viki, and philip. i am trying to convince martin and philip that they need to move to new york. boucher was at his evil best, and he started to talk about pajama pants, and that he wanted to buy some to go out and lounge in. thank god i talked him out of that crazy idea!

and speaking of crazy, no weekend would be complete if i did not have a crazy mike encounter:
me, standing, waiting for erin.
mike: with quart of milk in hand: hey man ( to me) do ya want summa this?
me: no, man. already had some with my breakfast. thanks, tho.
mike: yah, man, this is good stuff. the monkeys love it! they drink it up! it makes their dicks grow bigger, that's why they love it!

ah, mike. always some monkey.
posted by gregorio at 7:48 PM

 
i have yet to read dan savage column today, but, lemme telya, i don't think he will ever top himself from last week's 'dildo fatwa'. that phrase still kills me!
i now want to start a punk band with that name. i'll do it, too. i will.

if you have not gone to trinacria's yet, you are missing a slice of heaven. the fresh meats, the deeeeelicious cheeses, and oh-so-heavenly breads! and, where else can you get a decent wine for $3.99? not even at well's, thank you. i have gone there now twice to pick up deli meat for sandwiches. six days worht of sandwich meat for 8 bucks. i got pizza sauce (DAMN fine gravy, if you put some garlic in it, as viki and i discovered last night when she came over for dinner (price? $1 each)) and some linguini too. the macaroni there is homemade, $.60 a pound (yes, sixty cents) and infrikincredible. go to the corner of franklin and paca, 406 paca. did i say i like it?

on another note: i have a new addition to my appartment. clean. noiseless. friendly. spineless. just my kind of fellow: a zebra plant.

i will love him and feed him and call him: "george!"

err, maybe not. I know! i can call him dildo fatwa, or d. f. for short.

dildo fatwa. hehe!
posted by gregorio at 10:02 PM

 
the wedding i played for on saturday was great! i was very afraid that it would be a little, how should we say, touchy-feely? perhaps too disorganized?
but it was not. although the ceremony was a pastiche of different traditions, they fit more smoothly than one would imagine such an aglomeration.
and, the pipes sounded great! and, i got paid good! the reception was very nice as well, with good booze.

however, i was provided with yet another example of exactly how small maryland is as a state: despite the fact that the bride found me on the internet, on one of the bagpipe boards i am on, and despite having never met either bride or groom before, friends of the now-wed couple knew erin, who drove me up there. they used to go to her church, but stopped going to that particular one for some reason or other. how's that for completely out of the blue? i need to move to new york.

but, in the meantime, i will continue to groove with james brown, the hardest working man in show business! there is no way anyone can listen to jimmy b. and not feel funky! even a white boy like me is groovy when i listen to da man! POPCORN!
posted by gregorio at 10:35 PM

 
on saturday i had a misadventure, all due to the maryland public transportation system, and my inability to read basic information.
my usual mode of transport is the bus, whether it is the one public transport provides or by hopkins. i needed to get to best buy in towson/timonium, and, instead of taking the #8 (which would have been the wise choice) i took the #3. now, normally the 3 will bring you all the way to the mall, where i planned to stop off and get a book, and some lunch and fart around and then get on the 8 to best buy. that all sounds well and good, except for the fact that on saturdays, the bus does not proceed along that route. it goes to cromwell bridge--- not where i wanted to go. ok, i can walk to towson, no? sure. and get there an hour later.
at least i got my excercize for the day.
i wanted to get a new dvd player, because the old one blinked out on me. it was working one day, and not the next. well, i was, thankfully, able to return and get a refund,
a la erin, who took me to costco where i had bought it. i had the box, but no receipt. she had the receipt for hers. they gave us the money. erin is the man!
so best buy advertized a sale for dvd players, and i got an inexpensive one. now i can watch commentaries, and special features, and go to chapters, and all sorts of fun things like that, and extra clarity of the movie. and, i can watch my porn, which is all on dvd. which, ultimately is the most important reason.

and, lest you thought the greggie g saga was over, lend an ear to the latest rhyme:

greggie g is the rhymin master,
you rhyme it quick but he goes faster!
your rhymes so deep, but his be vaster,
his beats da bomb, but yours a disaster!


posted by gregorio at 6:15 PM

 
so teaching english has gone really well. after the first week of testing, and switching, i finally have the class i will have for the rest of the semester. they seem pretty eager. the only annoyance, if you can call it that, is that i have an assistant. now, before you go saying things about gift horses and mouths, i just want to say that gabriela is a nice lady, and she wants to teach esol, and that is good. but, i really want free reign in my class, i mean, who doesn't? and, frankly, having a second head is good in some cases, but too many cooks spoil the pot ( a good idiom to give my students, hmmmmmmm?). so, on the one hand it is nice to have someone else there to help with examples, as well as help explain something, but also i don't want the students to get the impression that there are two teachers in the class. i want to be the only one, and i don't think this makes me a jerk if i want to teach my class without feeling like i am being watched for mistakes all the time. maybe the mature thing to do is to talk to my cooridinator and voice my concerns.

ok, enuf whining about my class. the students are great, and the book is good, and i get paid, so what, really is to bitch about? nuthin.
therefore, muse this thought:

some people try to pick up girls, get called an asshole. this did not happen to pablo picasso. why, he could walk down the street, girls could not resist his stare.
subsequently, pablo picasso was never called "asshole."
posted by gregorio at 6:01 PM