a description of the amazing and exciting adventures i have here in baltimore--- and other lies.

 
Try as I may, I cannot seem to activate comments to this blog. I am either doing something terribly wrong, or fate will not let me hear what anyone has to say. That is, if anyone but me reads this.


Perhaps I am better off without comments.
posted by gregorio at 9:00 PM

 
The Depot always looks closed, but this is the most divey of dives that Baltimore has. If I could get back 1/4 of the money I spent there over the years it would be... well, a lot.

That place was my first nightclub, really. Many Friday nights, blotto beyond all repair, dancing to 80's tunes which were not even good in the 80's. A big bowling-alley of a club, really, which had changed its decor at least three times since I have been frequeting the joint. When I first started going there, the dance floor was small, but made even skimpier by the fact that both sides were flanked by raised platforms big enough to have some tables around. Above the tables were these huge mirrors, the kind you might find in a dance studio. My roommate and I would go there every Sunday night (which we labled "sleazy pick-up night" because, really, who would be there on a Sunday night except those really looking for love in all the wrong places--- of which the Depot has always been one) and dance the night away. Many of the area's sketchier people would also haunt the bar. When it closed for the first time in my memory, a whole crowd of people also seemed to disappear. If I remember right, it shut its doors around 1996, just after the taste for grunge had worn off.

It lay fallow for a while, and then re-opened with new management, and a new look. Gone was the Patrick Nagel inspired drawings on the wall in front of the bar, and so too were the mirrors in back. Instead, they had widened the back floor (although, how much more room they actually created is debatable) and torn down the walls, and exposed the brick. It made it look better, and worse, simotaniously.


posted by gregorio at 8:34 PM

 
Star light, star bright, first star I see, tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.

As often as we make this atavistic prayer to the nightly gods, we forget that the sky is a hard thing to fathom. For example, the first thing most people focus on as being the first "star" is actually Venus. Now, while it is, indeed, the Morning Star, in astrological and astronomical terms it is a planet, wandering about the cosmos. However, being that Venus is also the third brightest object in the night-time sky, it is easy to confuse its luminosity for star power.

The caution here is to make sure that you are actually wishing on a star when making your plea, and not wasting it on some heavenly body who would care not one whit about you or your foolish hopes. We have to look carefully, and perhaps even wait for a true astral form to peek through the veil of night in order to aid our mundane desires.

So, adding to the complexity of for what we are wishing, we are challenged by how.
posted by gregorio at 9:49 PM

 
The POTUS and the newly appointed Secretary of State are having an affair, and you know it. Jon Stewart knows it. My mom knows it. Anyone who sees Condi giggle like a schoolgirl whenever her husband-I-mean-the-President is around knows it. If this were Bill, he would be strung up. Instead, is the American people who will be hung out to dry.

Oh, you 51% suckers.
posted by gregorio at 9:35 PM

 
The whole Left Behind series, by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins is both hilarious and creepy, simoutaniously. Hilarious, because it makes for fun science fiction, a great, "what if" scenario. Really, think of it: if the book of the Apocalypse of St. John was literally true, and if the revelations were to happen in the present day, this could be a way it happens.

It is creepy, however, in that many millions take it to be an accurate expression of how the Rapture and its aftermath will proceed. The same people who believe in the literality of a revealed book are the same ones who teach Creationism as a science. This anti-intellectual onslaught against rationality is the germination of fear mongers who would have us all quake and quiver at the sound of their fire and brimstone broadsides.

I will not.

But I will read good science fiction, and that is why I am going to finish the series to the end.
posted by gregorio at 8:48 PM

 
My new creed:


We believe in one drink, Guinness the almighty
Makers of cans and bottles
Of all that is drunk and un-drunk
We believe in one brewer, Arthur
The only son of Guinness
Eternally begotten of the hops
Hops from hops, barley from barley
True drink from true drink
Begotten not made
Of one distillery of the Father
Through it all things were made
For us men and our salvation
It comes down from St. James Gate
By the power of the market he became incarnate
And was made a rich man
For our sake we are crucified under Pontius Prices
Bad pints, suffer hangovers and A.A. meetings
On the next day we rise again in accordance
With our scruples and ascend into oblivion
We come again to judge the living and the dead
We believe in one alcoholic beverage
Brewed and bottled under one license
We acknowledge one Arthur, son of the almighty pint
Conceived in heaven and sold on earth
Blessed is the one drink through one father and many sons
Sold under one label and distributed throughout the world
We look for the resurrection of new drinks
And a cure for hangovers.

Amen


posted by gregorio at 6:24 PM

 
And the Red Sox capture the pennant!
They capture the pennant!

I WANT TO BELIEVE!
posted by gregorio at 5:06 PM

 
This month has been mostly a blur. Between the oriental hookers and the blow, the snatch and the Jack, the week long binges and the overnight observations at Union Memorial, I have not had time to blog much.

However, I do have a word of advice, based on my experiences: never combine the blue liquor and the yellow pill unless you want the piss red.

Just something to consider.
posted by gregorio at 4:45 PM

 
Whew! more than a month of no blogging!

Since July: bartending school, but no job in the mixology field.

Also, I have made the command decision that the next time I get blown off, that's it for you buddy. No more plans, no more waiting. You call me and tell me what you want to do, maybe I will come along. Probably not.
posted by gregorio at 9:59 PM

 
I cried that I had no i-Pod, until I met a man who could not buy a VCR:

http://www.wired.com/news/politics/0,1283,64315,00.html?tw=wn_story_top5

Please write your Senator (or Congressperson if it gets to the house), to tell them not to vote for this bill.


posted by gregorio at 3:52 PM

 
A Benedictine Sister of Erie, Sister Joan is a best-selling author and well-known international lecturer.  She is founder and executive director of Benetvision: A Resource and Research Center for Contemporary Spirituality, and past president of the Conference of American Benedictine Prioresses and the Leadership Conference of Women Religious.  Sister Joan has been recognized by universities and national organizations for her work for justice, peace and equality for women in the Church and society.  She is an active member of the International Peace Council.

 
This is what she has to say about the state of our right to free speech:

http://www.nationalcatholicreporter.org/fwis/fw071504.htm

and
http://www.nationalcatholicreporter.org/fwis/

Don't make nuns angry. You wouldn't like them when they are angry.


posted by gregorio at 3:27 PM

 

I say this without fear of equivocation: if George Bush is elected predisdent of the United States of America, then the democracy we have come to know and love is over. He will, undoubtedly, with the help of the far-right "neo-conservatives," proceed to destroy every tenet of this republic we hold dear.  My other fear is that, if W does not get elected, he will proceed to declare martial law, and remain in power for however long it takes for the Third World War to end.

 

I am buying my ticket out of the country in a month or so. I suggest you all do the same.

posted by gregorio at 4:29 PM

 
Three issues:

Firstly, I need to drum up some more dough in order to go to Japan. So, if you feel generous, gimme. If fifteen of you give me $100, then I will have more than enough. It does not have to end with fifteen. As an incentive, all donors to the cause will get a lovely gift. If I do not raise enough money, I will send it back to you. Fair?

Secondly, I think John Kerry made the right decision about running mates, albeit an obvious one. Chris Matthews is a jackass for even suggesting Sen. Clinton.

Thirdly, which stems from the point above, we all need to get more politically active. Maryland will most likely go for Kerry, but we have to make sure. We must find ways to sway the voters who would have voted for Nader not to do so. We must go to areas which have significant swing in nearby states, and convince them to vote Kerry-Edwards. In this sense, we could be like the boomer generation, except less smelly, and with more reasonable hair and clothes.


posted by gregorio at 7:54 PM

 
I do not know for certain whether or not the "Green Tea" diet pills actually increase motabalism, thereby helping to let one loose weight, but they make me feel thinner.
posted by gregorio at 9:51 PM

 
Ok, I promise, this time I will post my travel log from France, begining tomorrow. but, first some thoughts:

Firstly, France is still the home of liberty, equality, and fraternity.

Secondly, the food is incredible. not only do the french insist on having delicious food, the noticible lack of preservatives and of growth hormones, coupled with the fresh fresh fresh ingredients, make even meals in the most lowly of corner bistros a feast for the senses. And the cheeses are richer, more creamey and probably healthier for you, too.

Thirdly, Paris can truly be said to be New York without the cocaine addiction.

et, demain, les descriptions travelaires.
posted by gregorio at 6:55 PM

 
I'm back, bitch!

Tales from France to follow, as soon as I get over my jet lag.

I will leave you with this thought: Paris is New York, without the cocaine.
posted by gregorio at 10:24 AM

 
Perhaps I have been too strident, and too cruel towards the demise of our 40th president. Perhaps I should not levy my bile on a man who has only recently passed away. I should wait a respectable time before again decrying everything he stood for, and angrily spouting my vitriol. After all, "de mortuis nil nisi bonum."

But Nancy Regan is still quite alive.
posted by gregorio at 7:17 PM

 
While widely reported at the time, Regan did not yell: "Goebbels, you magnificent bastard! I read your book!" as he visited the graveyard in Bittburg, Germany.

We know this to be apocryphal for two reasons. First, even Regan would not dare to sully the life and reputation of Patton by taking one of Patton's most famous quotes, and twisting it to fit an expedient political need.

Secondly, because Regan couldn't read.
posted by gregorio at 6:26 PM

 
At last, the old man is dead. If only the politics of hate and exclusion, of dispairity between rich and poor, of haves and haves-not, could die with him.

One day, when the revolution comes, the wall will not be long enough to line them all up against it. We will need some people to build more wall, which sould guarantee the revolution provides jobs, at least temporarily.
posted by gregorio at 9:45 PM

 
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, so i am proposing to lose weight.

in other news, gas prices have reached up to 7.00 in Great Britain (~ L1.53), while in the US, we have topped over $2.00.
this is the first time i have heard that gas now costs more than coke.
coca-cola, that is (do the math: even at $.50 per litre, a gallon being about 4 litres, coke is $2.00 per gallon at its lowest--- and usually it is more like 1.50 for a 2 litre bottle, making it $3.00 a gallon.)

I love capitalism.
posted by gregorio at 1:06 PM

 
Viki says, that her therapist says, that my hair looks "Faaaaaaaaaabulous."
posted by gregorio at 2:05 PM

 
There is joy in little things. Case in point: my Ebay rating is
100% positive, and everyone recommends me.
posted by gregorio at 8:56 PM

 
I love watching the television show MST3K. A group of three mercilessly mock a movie mostly marred by malaprops, but also ailed by woeful writing and atrocious acting.


One day, a similar group may do the same to "The Saddest Music in the World."
This movie tries to do too much. It wants to be a parody of 1930's films, yet cannot bring itself to stop behaving like a poor imitation of anything Sweden has produced. It tried to be ironic, but lacked the ability to relate the audience to any realistic portrayal, and therefore explode it. It had Mark McKinney, trying to spoof Canadians, and doing a worse job behaving Canadian here than he did on SNL. MM, I may add, was, in my opinion, the weakest link in the Kids in the Hall, and that is even considering Bruce McColloch. The movie was too grainy, even as a parody of 1930's films; the shooting weak, and the dialog too stilted. It even failed as a parody of newsreels and documentaries. The love story was stupid.

I have concluded what is, actually, the saddest music in the world: it is the sound of eight dollars leaving my wallet to watch this nonsense.
posted by gregorio at 7:30 PM

 
My dinner party on friday night went perfectly. I fed several people with coq au vin, salad with endives and delicious onion soup. The chicken literally fell off the bone, and everyone agreed it was quite tasty. If you were not there that night, never fear, you will be asked over very soon. I wish to cook various cuisines and dishes, and need tasters.
posted by gregorio at 7:36 PM

 
If I am not careful, the spam in my e-mail box usually threatens to overload the whole thing. I donot know why, but I have a "thing" about my box having too much mail in it.
I have recently resolved myself to 14k, but I would really prefer it to be 12. So, if you are one of my favourite people, I keep the mail. Everyone else, DELETE!

Rest assured, folks, few people are mail-worthy.
posted by gregorio at 7:38 PM

 
As the "President" of the US and George W. gave testimony today, I could not help but think of what Bill Hicks had to say about how W's Poppie gave Saddam all those weapons, which were never used by al-Qaida against us.


take it, Bill:


"I'm so sick of arming the world, then sending troops over to destroy the fucking arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries, then we go and blow the shit out of them. We're like the bullies of the world, y'know. We're like Jack Palance in the movie Shane, throwing the pistol at the sheepherder's feet.

"Pick it up."

"I don't wanna pick it up, Mister, you'll shoot me."

"Pick up the gun."

"Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister."

"Pick up the gun."

(He picks it up. Three shots ring out.)

"You all saw him - he had a gun."


posted by gregorio at 9:01 PM

 
Another one of the things I have learned is: if someone calls you "buddy," "pal", "Captain," or "Rock star" that they don't mean it.

When they call you "idiot," though, they usually do.
posted by gregorio at 9:17 PM

 
Acording to his tax return, which he filed today,Dick Cheney was paid 140,000 us dollars by Halliburton in 2003. We presume he paid whatever monies owed.

We still have one question, though:

When will someone make him pay for his crimes?
posted by gregorio at 8:22 PM

 
Beware the ides of April, as they are two days before a taxing time.
posted by gregorio at 6:43 PM

 
Well, we are still here, even though loyal readers will remember dire predictions to the contrary (scroll bottom).

I guess this means we can all carry on living in sin, voting Democrat and opposing the war, as God is not pissed off enough at us to call the earth quits.

Dammit.
posted by gregorio at 5:32 PM

 
As I reflect upon it, the fork in the road of life was, for me, in the summer of 1994, where I chose to stay in my apartment when George LeBron moved out.
posted by gregorio at 8:54 PM

 
Miss Virginia struck again.
posted by gregorio at 8:52 PM

 
A few months back, Dave Chappelle did a skit on his show called "Charlie Murphy True Hollywood Stories," where Charlie (brother of Eddie) tells out-of-school-tales about various personalities he has had the pleasure to glom onto due to his famous brother.

One of these concerned Rick James and the good times he and the Murphy clan had with them. From here, we also get two interesting catch phrases, one from Chapelle impersonating the singer, one from the singer himself.

The first "I'm Rick James, bitch" now has 14100 entries on google as of today . The other, "cocaine is a hell of a drug," has only
932, and many of these not related to Rikkie.

The fact that the first one resonates so deeply is that we know that the shenanigans
of Rikkie James are hard core, and now we have our proof. The mantra, "I'm Rick James, bitch" seems to be so true to form, and so self-affirming, as to be understood by all. And, in the Chapelle skits, he does so unapologetically, even after engaging in behaviour which may seem to you or me as marginal, or, at best, unwise. Nevertheless, by shouting his slogan, all is made well, because he challenges you to remember who he is, and why he is. It is worthy of immitation, and I will do this.

From now on, I will say unabashedly to all who would question my actions with "I'm Greggie G, bitch!" Let the chips fall where they may!


posted by gregorio at 6:49 PM

 
I have lived more than a third of my life, but only half-way. I wonder if this means that I am really only sixteen years old? Which would explain much.
posted by gregorio at 2:56 PM

 
So much we hear today is pre-programmed/electronic/disco shit. We never get to hear master musicians play anymore. By the year 2016, the music we know today as the Blues may be relegated to the classical music department of your local record store. Why do you not go out and buy some Johnny Lee Hooker, or BB King? Listen to some blues on a crappy ass day, makes the world better, as misery loves company.
posted by gregorio at 9:52 PM

 
Still alive. Just nothing interesting to say.

"oh, come on, you live such an interesting and fun-filled life!"

yah.
posted by gregorio at 3:33 PM

 
Problematic in the studies of physics and metaphysics is the insistance of the latter for proof, and replicatable proof, at that. However, even as physics aproaches proof for itself it remains uncertain at the very basic level: atomic physics. Here, things are, but simoutaneously are not, matter exists but only for a moment, to exist yet again. We have not even been able to satisfactorily predict both place and time of atomic particles.
I think the grand unification theory may lie in the wedding of the physics we have come to understand and the occult sciences. This may seem strange at first, because the twain do not usually meet. Some of the precepts are the same, and over the course of time I will endevour to reconcile both.
posted by gregorio at 6:02 PM

 
When will Ralph Nader learn that the price of these vanity campaigns of his for the presidential office leads diametrically away from his supposed ideals? When will he learn the money from some of the damn dirty hippies who support him is dirtier than the flower children themselves, having had come from the Dirty Tricks Dept. of your local Republican Party Office? When will we learn that his brand of liberalism, while laudable, and, indeed, some of the most progressive thought yet, is not palatable to the greed that infests the hearts of most United States citizens?

The answer to all three: never.
posted by gregorio at 8:01 PM

 
Our lives are akin to Ghost Stories, in that we are often very frightened of them, they are told in hushed tones, and that they are always fabricated, to highlight how we are the victim, rather than the vampire.
posted by gregorio at 4:26 PM

 
I make this promise to you all: I will not get into any more cars with women I do not know anymore.
posted by gregorio at 9:11 PM

 
You had better get your shit together. No more fag marriages. No more voting Democrat.
No more forgiving people of their sins, because the day of the Lord is coming!
Not even as a theif in the night, as this man knows (scroll to bottom).

I, however, refer us to this tiny passage in a little book called the Novum Testamentum:
Secundum Matthaeum, 24:36.
Enjoy!
posted by gregorio at 10:08 PM

 
While reading the latest issue of Granta (2003 Winter) I was struck by the fear civilized folk have of the barbar. And I was carried away to muse on the avdent of the end of both the Roman and Mochican Empires(who were contemporaries). We have very little information on why the Mochican lapsed into obscurity. We know that the Aztecs were undone by the Spanish, but these fine Mochicans were undone many centuries before the unfortunate arrival of Los Blancos. What spurred this on was the thought of both Cambodian and Mochican tempels taken back by the jungle. These were all great knowledgeful civilizations. They plotted stars, had esoteric philosophies, presumably had some insight to the deeper workings of the the world, if not the human mind, and, probably, in the upper classes, thought themselves superior to the less-rich of their own ethnic group and certainly to those of any status who were not.

And what did any of them think, when the hoarde came bearing down? We know that the Romans compromised; giving away their daughters so that their grandchildren would continue to dominate the land, and dictate the terms. Did the Mochicans make this same Faustian bargain? Or did they just fade away, knowing that end means done; no "back-cuts", no "take-backs", no "do-evers" allowed. And what of us? will we degenerate so well? What will they speculate about us?
What will they speculate? That we were kind men? That we were wise? That we had plans?

Or, will we, too, become that unknown civilization, leaving others to guess and wonder, "Whatever happened?" Never knowing that we asked ourselves the same question.
posted by gregorio at 4:58 PM

 
Nothing in this world is more depressing than old girlfriends mucking up your plans to Japan because of misplaced eros and/or confusion about her relationship with her girlfriend, who is no fun anyway and needs to be dumped. But, that is just my opinion.
posted by gregorio at 9:42 PM

 
This last week has been a doozy. Snow, sleet, ice, Baltimore's complete inability to prepare for inclemet weather, playing hookey from my job to see a free movie (Monster)
but paying $25 to eat tapas beforehand because they said there would be free catering but there was not, meeting this cute girl who I would like to make, finding out that it was her birthday and doing part of her Chinese Astrology chart that evening, falling on the ice because of the stupid bricks on the Johns Hopkins Campus are completely treacherous in winter, learning Japanese, feigning illness, and One Word Cafe.
posted by gregorio at 8:07 PM

 
If you don't live every moment of your life, you may find yourself dying every day.


posted by gregorio at 6:35 PM

 
Ahem.

I AM ALL ABOUT THE FACT THAT MY BOY TEDDY KENNEDY WAS ROLLING HIS EYES AND VISIBLY MUTTERING UNDER HIS BREATH WHILE THE MAN-WHO-IS-THE-FIGUREHEAD-OF-THE-RULING-JUNTA WAS MAKING HIS STUMP SPEECH FOR RE-ELECTION, AS OPPOSED TO GIVING A STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS!

And I didn't think the old boy had it in him. So, for all of you subjected to the horror, my apologies, but do not apologize for George W. "Soon-to-be-one-term-like-his-dad" Bush.
posted by gregorio at 6:45 PM

 
One of the only points of agreement I have with Enemy Mine is our refusal to bend when it comes to correct punctuation. For the past few months, I have had the great fortune to teach a composition and conversation class for my ESOL students, and it has been here that I have raised the clarion call for the serial comma.

This fight is the good fight. All bets concerning spelling, however, are off.
posted by gregorio at 9:00 PM

 
I have been studying Chinese Astrology lately. The cards I bought which help me to determine one's hororscope go far beyond the restaurant placemat "you are a tiger" or "you are an ox." I have been able to cast out various personality traits using the methods, and, while it has not gotten me any sex, it has gotten me free beer. Which, in my world, is pretty much the same.

Later posts will have your Chinese Horoscope recomendations.
posted by gregorio at 6:40 PM

 
Fourteen years is a long time to be at sea. More often than not, blue replaced green, and he nearly forgot what the word "field" meant. At night, he would dream his lanky appendages became sleek fins, and his peregreinations from ocean to sea to bay as natural as tramping from field to village to urb is for the wanderers of terestrial nature. In many ways, he found himself more like the great fish he hunted than the men on board who hunted with him. If he had been a shark in his former life, he would not be surprized. More shocking is that he is a man, now. "Oh, great beast! Why is it my fate to spill your blood rather than be kin to it?"
posted by gregorio at 7:27 PM

 
Before Al Gore invented the internet, the best that crazed individuals could do to spread their message was to either shout
from streetcorners wearning placard, or to post notices on telephone posts, mail boxes, and the like. In 1995, as a goof, I made one myself, predicting, amoung other things, that Bob Dole would win the 1996 presidential election (back when we had elections), and, after inauguration, reveal that he is a cyborg. I also stated that the government was using waves to control the people. I asked: "is it not surprizing that THE WAVE is such a popular thing at bread-and-circus-like sporting events?" I told people to call a fake-o number for the institute of Higher Empathy.

Gone are those days! Now, no longer need we plead to uncaring crowds, and preach our madness to the uncaring sheep!
Now, we no longer need to poster bathroom walls and bar-room chairs! We have the internet! Observe here and here

Be scared. Be very a-scared.
posted by gregorio at 3:49 PM

 
Merry Epiphany, everyone. Today is the day the Magi visit Jesus, to affirm that the most wise must bow down to the humble but godly. Where the gifts of gold for kingship,frankinsence for worship and myrrh for burial are symbolic of the gifts we bring to others, for we are part of their life, their holiness, their majesty, and the death of the worst part of the self to make room for the best. I wish all of you to find the gifts and give them to your friends, and, most importantly, yourself.
posted by gregorio at 10:21 PM