a description of the amazing and exciting adventures i have here in baltimore--- and other lies.

 
If one writes a blog, which is presumed to be a public expression of one's daily life, thougts and other musings, does one need to send a detailed XMass card insert?
If one writes a blog, does one even need to send out the cards; cannot it suffice to send out e-greetings, as it is presumed that internet access predicates email ownership?
If one writes a blog, cannot one simpy say "Happy Holidays" in the blog, letting loyal readers take from that what they will?
If one writes a blog.
posted by gregorio at 3:51 PM

 
All my Christmas shopping is done. Now, the gifts list is small, but I am very happy that I got it all done. I am also happy that there are technically twelve days of XMass, so that I can get to everyone over the next few weeks.
Here's a thought for you until Wednesday, stolen from Death to Smoochie(which, if you have not seen it, is worth a rental):

Sometimes light is really dark,
Sometimes crows can sing like larks;
Sometimes Winter can feel like Spring.
Don't think you know everything!

Especially the Winter into Spring part.
posted by gregorio at 10:18 PM

 
It occured to me the other day how much time I spend with my walkman on. Going on nineteen years, more than half my life. My first walkman was not the Sony Walkman proper, but one of the competitors which sprung up almost immediately, as is the case with electronics. It was pretty good: radio, antenna, casette player. I remember one of my first tapes was "Remain in Light", by the Talking Heads. It was soon accompanied by The Who's Greatest Hits. I loved my walkman, but I hid it from prying parental eyes for fear that they would disapprove of my wearing it, especially to school. But I had to have my tunes, so I hid it under my pillow at night, and brought it to school, so that I could have something to entertain me while waiting for, and riding on, busses. This was especially pleasant while I rode the public transportation back home, after having participated in extracurricular events. And, a walkman has been a part of my transport system ever since, particularly since I hoof it around more often than not.
My walkman linked me to the world. I could listen to my favourite DJs. Hear music no one else cared about, be it classical or hip hop or whatever my humours bade me attend. And, this was the key point: avoid the nattering of all other human beings.

My student, Esther, asked me the other day about my walkman, and I proceeded to tell her about my lifeline. I said that I am just like a junky, that I feel I need my walkman rather than need it. "Of course, I'm not going to kill anyone to get batteries or anything, but I feel naked without it." This is quite true, too: when I go about my walkaday life, I regret choosing not to port my portable stereo. It is a drug.

I say it loud, I say it proud:
I'm here, I use my walkman to tune out the world, especially the idiot conversations around me, and use not being able to hear people as a dodge not to get involved in protracted dialogues about nothing at all, thereby insuring my privacy and letting me, without truly withdrawing in autistic fashion into my own world, escape into a blissful state, almost heaven like.
Get used to it.
posted by gregorio at 9:51 PM

 
If it is Wednesday, it must be blog day. (As opposed to Prince spaghetti day, but that is another story.)

Before we begin today's lecture, please read the following: Case For the Empire.
When I was in high school, one of my friends was this fella, Tom Smith. Big, ungainly, really nerdy, he and I shared a passion for Weird Al Yankovich, and a perverse, black humour. He was the only one of my friends to truly appreciate Monty Python. Sadly, he and I parted ways, because of politics. He was (and is, I suspect) a rabid Republican, and therefore truly evil. But I digress. One day, as a treat, our biology prof eschewed class to show us Empire Strikes Back. He and I thought it would be a great goof to make signs saying "GO EMPIRE!" and "DIE REBEL SCUM!", in pennant style. We waved them around, and waved any chance of getting a date that year goodbye.

But, I have always had a secret admiration for the Empire. I guess it is because the Empire, in its most ideal state, was more than a hodge-podge of factions and rules. It was a unified system, without the complex, byzantine (and I use this word carefully) terms under which the Old Republic lumbered. I am happy that the Empire cleaned house! I am glad the "last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away!"

I'm glad that there was one, Imperial Armed Forces to take care of business, and to police space and hunt down smugglers. Sorry, Han Solo, but you were doing illegal activites. I'm glad it was a meritocracy, not an elite boys/girls club of Jedi. Anyone with good fencing skills could have operated a light sabre, and I don't understand why there could not have been a police force, perhaps composed of those "lesser" mortals not so gifted with force skills?

And, really, what did the Rebel Alliance have to offer? When we do go to the expanded universe, we find nothing but chaos, disorder, warlords, Huts ravaging what they can, and a whole host of other pestlititude including former Empire remnants (and even the clone of the Emperor himself)vying for power and influence. The American Revolution, while it suffered through a few years of impotence, got it together pretty quick--- and they still had a plan of action in the Articles of Confederation that was reasonably thought out. The south had a real Confederate Government in place, one that seemed to fit their political needs, and, de-centralized though it may have been, was able to rally an army that kicked the Army of the Patomic around for three years, or most of the war. The French Revolution got it together REAL fast, so too did the Russian and Chinese Revolutions. Hell, after the Romans kicked out Tarquinus and abolished the monarchy, they had a solid plan in place. But these Rebel Alliance idiots? I mean, come on, they are supposed to be planetary leaders already, shouldn't they have had at least some idea what they wanted to do once the Empire was
dissolved? What were they thinking? I could come up with a more unified plan sitting on the can after a long night of drinking!

So, while the Empire was problematic in some respects, I ask how the New Republic does better. Will there be as tight a controll on the security of liberties, now that they are restored? I argue that we must be ever vigilant of our rights, but as equally ready to do our duty, suck it up if we have to, and to guard both against that which would deny us liberty for the sake of security, and the liberty security offers.

And, as a parting note, I ALWAYS thought Star Destroyers are bad mofo ships! Ahhh, to be captain of such a mighty vessel!
A ship, an isle, a sickle moon,
With few but with how splendid stars
The mirrors of the sea are strewn
Between their silver bars! -Flecker, 1913


posted by gregorio at 9:45 PM

 
Riding on the MTA is always good for a laugh. Usually, my motus moveri is the bus, and I always have a good time waiting and riding. One such example is this sparkling conversation:
Stereotypical Hamdenesque, Slightly Tipsy Woman: Boy, shure is wet tonight. Wet and damp.
Me: (no response)
SHSTW: You know, in Las Vegas it never rains. What, it ray-ins onluh two times a year. That must be paradise!
Me: hmmmmhmmm.
SHSTW: I want to move to Nevada. Do you think I could move to Nevada? Do you think they have jobs there? Do you think that anyone works in that place and someone can get a job and be workin' in that place in the desert?
Me: Well, the Nevadans have the jobs.
SHSTW: Must be paradise living in a place you can get a job. You know though, you can get cancer. John Wayne got cancer, so did all the people who were in that film he was in, when they were shootin' it? They all got cancer, because they were right next to the place where they had those nuklear bombs. Allovem. Got cancer. John Wayne died 'cos of that cancer. Cancer kills. You know that? Cancer kills. (Takes puff of cigarette.)
(pauses)
MMMMMMMMM. Must be paradise in Nevada, with no rain.



It became paradise for me when the bus came and she stopped talking.

posted by gregorio at 9:44 PM

 
Drew Curtis' FARK has brought me great joy in the past, but today's link of the The Random Dr. Phil Quote Generator has really tickled me pink. For those of you who are fortunate enough not to know who this latest in psychiatric bottom feeding is, Dr. Phil McGraw:

Life Strategist Dr. Phillip C. Mcgraw hosts nationally syndicated series Dr. Phil. Known to millions as the human behavior expert from The Oprah Winfrey Show, Dr. Phil is also a #1 New York Times best-selling author and co-founder of Courtroom Sciences, Inc., the world's leading litigation consulting firm. Drawing on 25 years of experience in psychology and human functioning, Dr. Phil deals with real issues in his signature "tell-it-like-it-is" style. (from his website)

the "tell it like it is" style is, by and large, his incoherent, rambling, folksy sayings. imagine dan rather as a head shrinker, and you got it.
anyway, the The Random Dr. Phil Quote Generator is quite the hoot, producing gems like:

You don't need broken fingers to join the Jehovah's Witnesses.
You don't need Dr. Phil's permission to cry a lot.
You don't need Anna Nicole Smith to get drunk and pass out.

and my favourite, "You don't need a badger to throw a brick at a turtle."

the question one often asks oneself after seeing these asshats on tv is usually: "how did this moron get a show?"
the question one should really ask is: "who are their agents, and what are their numbers?"

posted by gregorio at 4:36 PM

 
the other day i received an email critiquing my blog. i say critiquing, not criticising, because i consider the former to be an honest comment, hoping to elicit change. the latter is simply being catty. and, in an effort to look to better examples of writing than my own, i perused through some different blogs.one of them is written by a friend of boucher, faustus. what a find! it is very funny, well written, and insightful. you know, this gives me a comfort. i can be as bad as i want, because there is goodness out there and people know where to find it.plus, he has many links to other blogs, which means that i can now, by reading him, expand my world twenty-five fold! this is part of the fun of blogging, for me, to read the lives of others, as examples and as ways to view the world, some of which are better articulated, perhaps,than others, but all honest attempts to see the world and experience its changes. and, it is especially fun to find people could humble even dan savage with their wit, and thereby give me hope for this world.
posted by gregorio at 9:13 PM

 
today has been chock-full of fun. as you may (or may not) know, i teach english as a second language. i find real joy in teaching grammar, and i have a flair for it.much like my writing style, i think! (now, my only shortcoming is my spelling, and i admit this to my students. it has always been my achille's heel. but, that's what spell-check is for, no?) each wednesday, i have one or the other of them choose a topic for class discussion/debate. today's was about iraq, and whether king george should or should not invade. i got quite heated! but, heated in english--- and that was alright.
later, viki bought me dinner: a delicious cheese-steak from the mighty CC caryout! yummy! and she and kemi are wearing basically the same shirt. they look like sisters, only one is half japanese, and the other is greek. they both have curly hair, and are similar in hight. so that counts, right? sure......

see how fun my life is?

finally, for those interested, i am taking applicants for my justice league. if you are interested in fair play, truth, and have an unwavering commitment to crushing evil, please consider joining by emailing me at clownx9@yahoo.com. you will have to paste and cut the mail address, because it will not link you directly. no matter, those interested should send me a resume. and if choosen, by day you will be mild mannered--- oh yes! but by night, you will fight oppression, battle injustice, and shop for value! it's the american way.
posted by gregorio at 8:05 PM

 
the last two days have certainly been fun-filled. on friday, i got a chance to drink, and drink heavily with some of my student assistan workers. justin and i played two games of beirut. for those of you who have not heard of this game, it is a variation of beer pong. however, in this game, you line up fourteen cups into a triangle form, and each team tries to shoot a ping pong ball into one of the beer filled cups. if you miss, nothing. if you pitch it in the cup, they drink. play proceeds until one side looses all their cups. justin and i, despite my meager tossing abilities, won both games, and me making a fantastic trick shot that i could never duplicate if i tried.
saturday viki, rachelle, marcello, and steve sarsen all went to the helmand (my favourite restaurant), and had a fantastic meal. vik, steve and i had a couple of nightcaps at cvp,and then stumbled home. a good time was had by all.
posted by gregorio at 5:58 PM

 
i have decided to narrow my focus while collecting militaria. of course, keeping with toy soldiers, but even here i want to get as many of the napoleonic deetail figures as possible. if you donot know what these are, go to ebay and keword "deetail waterloo." you will see my favourite toys! also, i will commence collecting military medals. the country will not be specific, i just like them. oh, and black watch and/or irish guards. now, this may seem pretty broad based. in fact, one may argue too broad. but, considering the vast amount of material out there, and the great variety of such, choosing two regiments, one toymaker and a specific award is not so absurd after all. and, now you all know what i wouldn't mind as gifts. even duplicates are fine, as i might trade them for something else in the future. that is, if i am not too busy. but, my guess is that i shall continue to manage my time well, and do it all--- even blogging!


posted by gregorio at 1:24 PM

 
i hope everyone voted. if you did not, and you bitch to me about how you hate what the government is doing, all i have to say to you is: shut your pie hole! you had a chance to help change it, and you blew it!

on another note, i want to track down this lady and ask her to join my justice league!
i am sure that the lothario mentioned is probably working for the owner of a devil dog.

and, by the way, what is it with boston terriers that make people want to dress them up in funny clothes? i was going into cuppa cabana this morning, where i had to step over a b.t., afraid i might squish it, and gingerly open the door for fear it might whack the poor, frail beast, causing grievous harm. it was wearing a sweater. not even a hand-made one, one you had to buy at a pet store. shiver.
posted by gregorio at 9:05 PM

 
so my justice league is shaping up pretty well. please let me know if you want to join, as i am taking applicants from all qualified candidates. those interested must have a love of justice, a penchant for robots, and the ability to talk through one's teeth, but the good grace not to.

soon, too, we will have a sassy name. i cannot think of an appropriate acronym, as of yet, so i will remain League of Justice, untill further notice.

posted by gregorio at 7:34 PM

 
the last few days have been a fun halloween season.
saturday, the 26th octobre, hamden had its annual costume contest. most of the participants were children, under the age of twelve. there were a few adults, and some people tried to encourage me to parade with the 13+ crowd, but i declined. it was a great parade, with prizes in individual categories for: best, funniest, and most creative. some of the most creative ones were hamden in-jokes, but, no matter! this parade/contest is of, by and for the toothless people.
and, i was able to catalogue yet another moment of Pure Anger From Children.
i don't often encounter kids in my walkaday life, and when i do it is by and large pleasant ( at least, recently. my own childhood and having to take care of other peoples' children a while back are the opposite side of the coin). this last summer kayla hired me as a substitute teacher, to fill in for a guy who had been in a car accident. it was the last weeks of "smart kids camp", as i like to call it, and the guys were getting pretty restless. all good kids, no doubt, but i had forgotten how silly eleven year old girls can be. i mention this, because this was the beginning of my catalog. while i was tutoring the 10-11 year olds, i had them play a word game. well, it was beginning to get out of control, and i said to one of them," now, come on! settle down. you're getting wild, like the animals you are studying." well, i meant this as a joke, but one of them, cathy,
became irate, and, with the indignation only a 10 or 11 year old girl can have, looked at me, and said: I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! i know, for a fact, that she has never seen the elephant man, but john merrick ain't got nothin' on her!
so begins my list. but, i can add to it, because of this years hamden halloween happening. it seems one family is very creative, and also has a lock on the "most creative" prize given. and, to be fair, the costume was pretty good. however, this did not stop a random hamden girl, probably 10 or 11, from getting mad, probably because she felt cheated of a prize rightfully hers: I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WON AGAIN! HE WINS EVERY YEAR! spoken with so much rage, that i was glad i wasn't at the prom and she wasn't carrie!

on tuesday night, the man-who-wised-up-and-left-the-grasp-of-the-most-evil-person-in-the-planet, michael, had a pumkin carving party. i thought there would be others in costume. i was so wrong. however, i did have a good time carving a rather stark, masculine pumkin with viki's friend, bill. this made great contrast to the other pumkin, a rather fetching specimen. almost coquetish, if you can say that about a gourd.

wednesday was a breakaway from all hallow's eve, and erin and i went to muvico egyptian theatre. as is our wont, we bought tickets for sweet home alabama, then proceeded to sneak into red dragon, punch drunk love, and time changer. erin is worried that we will get caught one day. i live for the thrill.

and thursday was the night! had a good meal at cc's, contemplated how long it would take for cops to tire of the "hey you guys have cool cop costumes on" joke, went to see bowling for columbine, almost got into a fight getting a cab, going to fells point, freezing our nipples off, and getting home around 1am. all in all, a good time was had by all. i took alot of pictures, and should have them developed by the end of the week, if you want to see. now, i can begin to think about next year!
posted by gregorio at 8:07 PM

 
i get mail.
usually it is this kind:

do you like my boobs?
I'm such a slut! i even made guys from the chess team hit it, boy they were surprised >:)MY DORM CAM FOR THE GUYS!
or:

I'm 29 years old and a little lonely
User" Tigerlily86 " Has an note for you!!
You replied to an ad of mine a little while ago and said you may be
looking for a date. I'm 29 years old and a little lonely and need to
get out and have some fun. I like the outdoors as well as fine
restaurants, but i love a fireplace and a glass of good wine and............
THE REST OF THE MESSAGE IS AT THE SITE.
User" Tigerlily86 " has a full picture profile
http://www.realhotpersonals.com

but today i got this:

Are you going to update your g--d----- blog, or what?

--A flying monkey

sent to me by a certain archenemy, who shall remain nameless.
sniff. i didn't know he cared!
however, i do want to apologize to my loyal readers for my inexcusable absence.

mea culpa.
mea maxima culpa!

however, the next few days will provide you all with the news you crave, fear not!
i can say, however, that i have formed a Justice League, with my and viki's friend darren. united against you know who.
who says evil will prevail?
quickly, my parental visit was as agnst and tense free as can be humanly possible, we all had a blast. my parents love
Viki. we had a great time at the helmand when we went there to eat.
and, remember, halloween is coming up, are you ready? be spookey, friends, be spookey.
posted by gregorio at 8:26 PM

 
halloween is nigh upon us, and i have to start getting serious. i will be receiving in the mail some parts for my costume, and between today and tomorrow will have to get a cap badge. it is not the one i want, but then again this year i am not going as all out as i have in the past, and will recycle an earlier costume. i shall, however, tweak it a little, and change some things, including the hat. i may also have to borrow rachelle's riding crop. i want to be an officer in the irish guards, wwi. i will come close enuf, i think.
however, i do have to showcase this costume, no matter how it turns out. for this, i need soirees. hopefully, i can get everyone together on this. i need to find a party (or, more to my taste, parties)on the previous weekend, and am not averse to gate crashing if i have to do so. i mean, come on, it will be halloween after all, and no one will know nobody, right?
the most disturbing news i have is that bouchers dog, goblin, will be attired for the holiday, while he will not. he has purchased horns to go with the cape the canine has now.

i suppose this will make goblin a devil dog.
posted by gregorio at 6:52 PM

 
it has been quite a whirlwind of activity from the last time i posted.
i should actually post more often, but, being that i donot have internet access at home, i am forced to either write these little missives at work, or find another venue for my creative output. of course, because i am interminably slow in the noggin, it did not occur to me to go to the hut if i want to avoid people in the bookbarn. well, i will remedy that in the future. enough apologetics, on to news!
on thursday, i had a day off. origionally, i was to be gallavanting with my parents, but scheduals did not work out that way. (which was all well and good anyway, because i got to work for erin's sister on friday, but more of that in a minuite) so, i just took the day. i decided to go see "my big fat greek wedding" at the charles. while listening to movie times, they let me know that jello biafra would be in town. i decided to make it a double feature, as the times worked out. so, off to normal's book store i went, to find an english grammar book and buy a jello ticket. no dice on that book, but i found a couple others and bought the ticket. i then decided to rent out movies other movies from video american (lotr, on dvd, death to smoochy, and scorpion king--- which wasn't as bad as i thought it might be. not great,but not horrific). greek wedding rocked, biafra was great, but i had to leave earlier than i wanted, because i had to get up early for the next day's adventure in catering.

or so i thought. erin and her friend alex, who drove, were running late. she said, be ready at 9am. i was. if i knew that they would have been late, i would have stayed at the "lecure" mr. biafra gave. despite the rain, the cookout (!) went as planned. they held it under one of the garages. they had a lot of people, but we still had food left over.
and, i don't know how this happens, but it always does: i was given the job of cooking. countless times have i been to cookouts; as many times have i manned the grill.
but, don't get me wrong, it is fun. so, i cooked my heart out, and stole some of the table decorations. the picnic had a western theme, so there were these horses and plastic farm animals as table settings. i took two equines, and a fist full of cows. they also had straw hats for us to wear, which i also took home. on top of this, i got paid $40 by kyoung, erin's sister! ka-ching! now, you may inquire, "well, i am happy for you greg, but why were you there?" good question. kyoung corralled (!)
her younger sisters and friends to help do this thing, as it was for such a large crowd. sheena, her husband sung, this alex guy, all the people who work for kyoung, and myself all worked hard. notice anyone missing? yah. she minded the store. inside. warm. dry. anyway, it was honest pay for honest work.

yesterday was of no account. i went to my church bookclub, went home, met kayla, talked with her a bit, and then met with martin, boucher (the vile one), viki, and philip. i am trying to convince martin and philip that they need to move to new york. boucher was at his evil best, and he started to talk about pajama pants, and that he wanted to buy some to go out and lounge in. thank god i talked him out of that crazy idea!

and speaking of crazy, no weekend would be complete if i did not have a crazy mike encounter:
me, standing, waiting for erin.
mike: with quart of milk in hand: hey man ( to me) do ya want summa this?
me: no, man. already had some with my breakfast. thanks, tho.
mike: yah, man, this is good stuff. the monkeys love it! they drink it up! it makes their dicks grow bigger, that's why they love it!

ah, mike. always some monkey.
posted by gregorio at 7:48 PM

 
i have yet to read dan savage column today, but, lemme telya, i don't think he will ever top himself from last week's 'dildo fatwa'. that phrase still kills me!
i now want to start a punk band with that name. i'll do it, too. i will.

if you have not gone to trinacria's yet, you are missing a slice of heaven. the fresh meats, the deeeeelicious cheeses, and oh-so-heavenly breads! and, where else can you get a decent wine for $3.99? not even at well's, thank you. i have gone there now twice to pick up deli meat for sandwiches. six days worht of sandwich meat for 8 bucks. i got pizza sauce (DAMN fine gravy, if you put some garlic in it, as viki and i discovered last night when she came over for dinner (price? $1 each)) and some linguini too. the macaroni there is homemade, $.60 a pound (yes, sixty cents) and infrikincredible. go to the corner of franklin and paca, 406 paca. did i say i like it?

on another note: i have a new addition to my appartment. clean. noiseless. friendly. spineless. just my kind of fellow: a zebra plant.

i will love him and feed him and call him: "george!"

err, maybe not. I know! i can call him dildo fatwa, or d. f. for short.

dildo fatwa. hehe!
posted by gregorio at 10:02 PM

 
the wedding i played for on saturday was great! i was very afraid that it would be a little, how should we say, touchy-feely? perhaps too disorganized?
but it was not. although the ceremony was a pastiche of different traditions, they fit more smoothly than one would imagine such an aglomeration.
and, the pipes sounded great! and, i got paid good! the reception was very nice as well, with good booze.

however, i was provided with yet another example of exactly how small maryland is as a state: despite the fact that the bride found me on the internet, on one of the bagpipe boards i am on, and despite having never met either bride or groom before, friends of the now-wed couple knew erin, who drove me up there. they used to go to her church, but stopped going to that particular one for some reason or other. how's that for completely out of the blue? i need to move to new york.

but, in the meantime, i will continue to groove with james brown, the hardest working man in show business! there is no way anyone can listen to jimmy b. and not feel funky! even a white boy like me is groovy when i listen to da man! POPCORN!
posted by gregorio at 10:35 PM

 
on saturday i had a misadventure, all due to the maryland public transportation system, and my inability to read basic information.
my usual mode of transport is the bus, whether it is the one public transport provides or by hopkins. i needed to get to best buy in towson/timonium, and, instead of taking the #8 (which would have been the wise choice) i took the #3. now, normally the 3 will bring you all the way to the mall, where i planned to stop off and get a book, and some lunch and fart around and then get on the 8 to best buy. that all sounds well and good, except for the fact that on saturdays, the bus does not proceed along that route. it goes to cromwell bridge--- not where i wanted to go. ok, i can walk to towson, no? sure. and get there an hour later.
at least i got my excercize for the day.
i wanted to get a new dvd player, because the old one blinked out on me. it was working one day, and not the next. well, i was, thankfully, able to return and get a refund,
a la erin, who took me to costco where i had bought it. i had the box, but no receipt. she had the receipt for hers. they gave us the money. erin is the man!
so best buy advertized a sale for dvd players, and i got an inexpensive one. now i can watch commentaries, and special features, and go to chapters, and all sorts of fun things like that, and extra clarity of the movie. and, i can watch my porn, which is all on dvd. which, ultimately is the most important reason.

and, lest you thought the greggie g saga was over, lend an ear to the latest rhyme:

greggie g is the rhymin master,
you rhyme it quick but he goes faster!
your rhymes so deep, but his be vaster,
his beats da bomb, but yours a disaster!


posted by gregorio at 6:15 PM

 
so teaching english has gone really well. after the first week of testing, and switching, i finally have the class i will have for the rest of the semester. they seem pretty eager. the only annoyance, if you can call it that, is that i have an assistant. now, before you go saying things about gift horses and mouths, i just want to say that gabriela is a nice lady, and she wants to teach esol, and that is good. but, i really want free reign in my class, i mean, who doesn't? and, frankly, having a second head is good in some cases, but too many cooks spoil the pot ( a good idiom to give my students, hmmmmmmm?). so, on the one hand it is nice to have someone else there to help with examples, as well as help explain something, but also i don't want the students to get the impression that there are two teachers in the class. i want to be the only one, and i don't think this makes me a jerk if i want to teach my class without feeling like i am being watched for mistakes all the time. maybe the mature thing to do is to talk to my cooridinator and voice my concerns.

ok, enuf whining about my class. the students are great, and the book is good, and i get paid, so what, really is to bitch about? nuthin.
therefore, muse this thought:

some people try to pick up girls, get called an asshole. this did not happen to pablo picasso. why, he could walk down the street, girls could not resist his stare.
subsequently, pablo picasso was never called "asshole."
posted by gregorio at 6:01 PM

 
yesterday was my first class of ESOL where i got paid. my students seem very eager to learn, and that gives me great comfort. there is nothing worse than people who don't care. it seems they will be a good group. i have enjoyed teaching esol, especially at greater homewood community corporation, where they is good peeps.
on another note, i have noticed that i could potentially do alot with the webtags here. be prepared.
posted by gregorio at 7:23 PM

 
dave savolaine sent this to me. there is NOTHING right about it:punk kittens
posted by gregorio at 7:22 PM

 
Well, after an unforseen absence, we are back blogging! the last thing a lot of people saw was the stuff about 9/11, which was posted on 9/14. my blog went blooey, and i had to change templates and everything. it was a simple proceedure to do so, but i, of course, didn't get around to it today. i was not feeling well, and then i didn't go to the library for a few days, yadda yadda yadda.
the templates i had to choose from was quite the decision, too. at first, i really really wanted to get "currency", but to my dismay, it is being used by buscher in his evil domain. then i looked at the others, and found them to be alright, but nothing really caught my eye.
the old one i had, called "Khaki Tueday" was out of the picture. (so, goodbye, khaki tuesday. who could hang a name on you?) i kinda liked one, "cranberry socks", but despite the fact that it seems pleasing, there is something vaguely intimidating about it, not to mention malevolent. the one i have chosen for the new look is "chroma." how they came up with this name is beyond me, but there it is. they had others called tux which, no surprize, looks like a tuxedo, and yellow rocks, which, well doesnot look like yellow rocks but is just not right all the same.
and, i have created a new blog: trials and errors, where i will be posting new stuff by random people. read it today!

more news tomorrow. i wanted everyone to know i am still alive, though.
posted by gregorio at 5:18 PM

 
another treatment i thought of: dyke daddy, usa!
the story of a man who loves women, and the women who love them.

i have not fully thought out the story, but ya gotta love the bumper!
posted by gregorio at 10:26 PM

 
i went excercising the other day, and my legs still hurt. i think it is because i did not stretch out, so tomorrow i will go to enoch pratt and get some stretching books. did you know that there is an idiots guide to stretching? well guess who is going to get it. i have been going to e p. alot lately. it is amazing the contrast of a public library and an academic one. gives one who does library stuff pause, particularly about audience.
with any luck, i will have an adventure to tell about tomorrow, but my guess is that i will have a rather ordinary time of it.
posted by gregorio at 8:19 PM

 
here are some of the books i will write. maybe not soon, but i really should plan it out, now that i come to think of it. none of these, by the way, are jokes. i actually will write them:

i, vampyre, where i discus the nature of evil and compare hanna arendt and ayn rand; be forewarned, rand comes out badly.

black irish, which will probably be a screenplay. the jist of it is that two cops are buddies, one black and one white, they have the same last name, they joke about being related. they find out they actually are, many generations back. a crisis of conscience and of personhood hits them both, and we explore issues of race and nationhood, with family.

the pithy roman, latin quotes for every day. the latin will be provided, as well as a good modern translation of it.

patristic and current theological thoughts compared, where i take the theological tenets of many christian churches and compare them with thoughts in early christianity.

occidentalism, not a parody of 'orientalism', but rather, a further piece explaining how western ideas and thoughts become so appealing in the east. is it the glamour of the new? is it a way to break from old power centers and establish a new order? is it keeping up with joneses? is it a way to maintain a solid economic base within a world that glorifies capitalism? is it really all that western anyway? this will take some real thinking, but i think i can pull it off.

an english language biography of pope urban ii.

translation of jerome's 'commentaries on isiah' into english, with notes.

gnosis and orthodoxy, which will be a commentary of the various apocryphal christian books. i want to style the commentary similar to the way the navarre bible has done for the approved texts, citing patristic authors and squaring the representations of the works to the magisterium of the church.

thats all i got so far. more as i think of them.


posted by gregorio at 10:09 PM

 
well, we are still all alive. no big terror attacks, no surfiet of invasion. please let us start a dialogue, dear readers, as to why king george iv and v want to eradicate saddam. viki's brother john is convinced that the bushes have a vendetta against him. ( i promise, up front, that this will be no maclaughlin group where i cut you off only to call WRONG! and give some rabidly right wing "reasonette" (ie, a small reasoning, or something not quite a reason and therefore not reasonable) for the answer)
please email me your favourite theory. i will give a prize (maybe not as good as dan savage, but good still) to the best one. and, after all entries are compiled, i will reveal my brilliant thoughts on the issue.
clownx9@yahoo.com
and, i also promise to write more often, which is probably just for me rather than you.
posted by gregorio at 5:08 PM

 
from now on, i will only speak in the fourth person. this is somewhere after the third person singular begins, and before the first person plural. the pronoun is hwe or shwe, depending on one's orientation.

hwe think it will change hour thinking on things that affect hus. definitely more breathey talk, at the very least.
give it a try yourself!
posted by gregorio at 9:47 PM

 
this was a pretty unstressful labor day weekend, in which i watched a LOT of movies.
i also caught up with reading this one guy's blog, and the last post he had was all about him being gay.
now, not that this is anything new, or that i call him to task on it necessarily. i do have this evil thought rolling around in the back of my mind, that maybe he is not gay. i mean, if a straight man constantly was pushing the fact that he went out to sports, fucks women, goes out to bars and gets blasted, makes anti-gay statements, you would say, "hey, wait a minite, he doth protest too much!" you would also say he might be closeted.

maybe it is like that with my friend? maybe the urge to have curtains in his house, and pretty things, and to wear fashionable clothes, and be really thin, and go get a haircut every other day, and use words like "luxurious" and "fabulous" and make snappy comments,maybe the price you pay is to say you are gay and then to talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk, even if you are really straight at heart.
just a thought.

i shall start a revolution: i shall use fabulous all the time now, and i shall have brunches drink bloody marys, mimosas, tea; eat chopped fruit, cream cheese with bits of scallion in it, and olives stuffed with almonds, and spend the entire meal discussing musical theater theater in restaurants that are tony (gay word!) or trendy to the point where lines are blurred... only then shall i truly be straight!

or maybe not. i mean, i have succesfully resisted purchasing window treatments for as long as i have been here in baltimore, relying on my mom to make those things; which, according to some is really butch. or is it?
posted by gregorio at 9:39 PM

 
Erin and I went to go see "Tadpole" on Friday, and then later on I watched "Amelie" at her house.
Both very good, if you have not yet seen them. Tadpole gave me pause, tho'. I have been reflecting on the overall argument of diane (bebe nuewirth): that women find passion sexy--- and not sexual passion, but rather that someone who is passionate about things or ideas is what is attractive. it made me think, because i have not really felt passion about anything in a while. i have manic attractions to things, and learn about a myriad of things but in my mecurial manner, i tire of the subject, or it looses its salt for me. i fear getting involved with anything now, because i don't know what will be the latest passing fad for me. magic was the last thing, before that languages,and my bagpipe also. i still do all these things, after a fashion, but not in the intense way i used to do so.
so, my new thought is to try to get passionate about something. maybe it will rise me out of my malaise. maybe i have to be like descartes, where he believed that he could believe in God, and then was able to actually believe.

posted by gregorio at 6:28 PM

 
If you look up "lesbian racoons" in google, there are no entries.
Who says the internet has nowhere to go?
(never fear, tho', there's plenty of hits for "lesbian lobsters.")


where's my whiskey. i wanna get tore up.
posted by gregorio at 12:12 PM

 
I have made a command decision concerning my porno name. Many of you may ( and many may not) know about the various porn film scripts I have rattlin' 'round this noggin o' mine, and if I were to produce said masterpieces, I will not want to associate my Christian name with the very same.( For privacy reasons, of course. ) Hey, if George Costanza can be Buck Nakked, I can have a name too.

So,I become, therefore, upon the advent of crappy, stilted and implausible dialogue, sets fashioned out of somebody's apartment and women covered with nothing but whipped cream and smiles: Rock Hart.
posted by gregorio at 9:55 PM

 
I just had the best massage last night. Not even My Greatest Foe (David B.) can take away the good feeling I have. If you have not had the chance, afford yourself an opportunity to be rubbed down, and if Doug Preston offers to practice on you, don't even hesitate. One word of caution: donot ask him to do it if you donot want to have a really deep down muscle massage. He really gets into the trouble spots, and if you are used to the scrunching of the shoulders most people call a massage then you are going to be really amazed. We went for about 2 1/2 hours, and he wants to come back in a few weeks to work out, as he says, "problems in my shoulders." He has this funky cd of javanese gong and bell music; all in all it was a very cool experience. And, since he is still a student, it was for free! ka-ching!

I am, therefore, in a much better mood than I was in the last post, which I apologize if it was a little to dark and whiney. But you get the good and bad here, no? Unfiltered gregorio to your heart's content.
(later, i will complain about how poor i am, but that is for another day)
posted by gregorio at 2:19 PM

 
I have come to the inescapable conclusion that my life is very boring. I base this on a review of all the other blogs I have read recently, as well as empirical evidence--- this being that, for example, today, all I did was read my book. "Dialogues" of Gregory the Great is not what I would call exciting, allbeit edifying. But, really, that's all I do. Don't meet new people. Same crappy job; in fact, having returned from vacation only 45 minuites, I remembered why I hate my job. A vacation that was crappy, anyway.

AND, I don't want to hear the same stuff. "Quit your job, get a new one." As if it would be o, so easy.
"Go out, meet new people." OK, social butterfly, where? Groups? The ones which meet at night when I am at work? School? I really don't like those people. Bars and clubs? With what money, being that the MSE is paying less than what junkies make in a year. Even tapping David B.'s phone isn't any fun any more.

The only good thing is that I have been hired to teach by the community association where I have erstwhile been a volunteer, which is the only thing keeping the razors from flesh.

Where's my whiskey. I wanna get tore up.
posted by gregorio at 6:24 PM

 
WOW!
What a long, strange trip it has been! I want to apologize for not having updated this blog earlier. I have been having so much fun I have neglected all my fans! Not to worry tho, like MacArthur, I have returned.

For those of you who have never been to Ibiza, I recomend going. This small, undespoiled island off the coast of Spain is often overlooked by the mainland tourist trade. The natives are friendly and helpful, and prices are not expensive at all! I was able to stay an extra week for only 75 euros more, including hotel!
The beaches are pristine, and, I must add, the most you will see is the occasional English or German couple. Watch out though, they can be crazy! One of the English ladies almost took off her hat, and the Germans wanted me to take pictures of them shitting on each other. What a hoot!

Next on my travel log: New York on $5.00 a day!
posted by gregorio at 8:23 PM

 
Kill the bug wriggling
Fast, or let him die slowly?
Is mercy your foot?


see you july 31!
posted by gregorio at 3:05 PM

 
Greggie G. is the sly innovator
All the others are tired immitators
With his rhythm he stuns like a tazer
With his rhymes he cuts like a razor!

Greggie G. gets the money, see!
Greggie G. gets the honies, see!


It is DAMNED hot here in Charm City.

By way of warning, I will be going on holiday to my parent's home come Friday morning, and being that they don't trust the pesky compooter, you may not hear from me for a while. I will be forced to keep a paper (!) log, and will recount all adventures (I get to go to Aldenville!) when I return on the 31st July and afters. So, weep not, dear readers, if I have any. Like MacArthur, I shall return!
posted by gregorio at 8:16 PM

 
Ok, so I have been in the process of writing this rap. Well, by "me", I am referring to my alter-ego, Greggie G.
I have been torturing the students at the circ desk with the "rhymes" for the last few weeks, and now, I share with you!

Greggie G. gets the money, see!
Greggie G. gets the honies, see!
Driving in his car, drinkin' in bars,
Livin' his life like a big ol' rock star!

Greggie G. gets the bootie, see,
Greggie G. gets the cuties, see,
Knows all the smarties, goes to all the parties
Hooks you up wif all of his hotties!

Greggie G. is the pretty boy,
Greggie G. is a ladies toy,
Has the best taste, yes, knows the best places,
Takes his time, there's waste in haste, yes!


There's much more, but I will write them later. Fun for the whole family!
posted by gregorio at 3:00 PM

 
brown out, no tv;
meatball sub is not so good;
bonk and stamp at work.

tomorrow will come
buy ticket on amcrash train
friday see the rents.

tomorrow: i tell you about my rap.
posted by gregorio at 9:37 PM

 
I have been email-less for a few days now. I tried to access my account on Friday afternoon, only to discover I could not gain entry. I must have tried my password a dozen times, to no avail. I had only just checked it a while ago, and I was forced to live a life as one would in the dark times of the 20th century! Anyway, I finally was able to go to my work account, and transfer a temporary email password to myself. When I got into the account, I found that Yahoo! had changed my password (undoubtedly for security reasons). They sent me an email to tell me they did this. So, I couldn't check my email to find out that they had changed my password, because they sent me the information that they would change my password to an email account they blocked with a new password. Make sense to you? Good: explain it to me, then. I missed out where my friends Nat and Lori were going to have beer on Saturday, dammit. However, the day was not a complete loss, as I was able to pass my time with my bestest movie buddie, Erin. We saw "Reign of Fire", which was not bad: scary and startled me, and had some good laughs. Best line "the only thing worse than dragons is Americans."
AND, as a point of clarification, these are NOT dragons. Properly speaking, they are WYVERNS. An example of which can be seen on the Welsh flag. Dragons have four legs and the wings, wyverns two legs, and their arms are bat-like and thus they fly. Both are nasty customers. I think the producers of the film got some of their dragon info from this book: "Flight of the Dragons", by Peter Dickenson. Cute little book, nice pictures, I have it if you want to take a look.
However, the big thing for me was being able to go to Normal's book store and rifle thru these great boxes of books some guy had left there. They either didn't know what they had or were too busy to bother haggling with me 'cuz I KNOW I got l at least a couple of hundreds of dollars worth of books for only ten bucks. It was great!

Anyway, I wish similar good fortune on you all. Happy Bastille Day:

Allons enfants de la Patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé !
Contre nous de la tyrannie,
L'étendard sanglant est levé, (bis)
Entendez-vous dans les campagnes
Mugir ces féroces soldats ?
Ils viennent jusque dans vos bras
Egorger vos fils et vos compagnes !
posted by gregorio at 3:24 PM

 
i received a disturbing email today. my arch-enemy, the evil and sinsiter david b., has called my page
"derivative." now, while i admit, i found out about blogger because he has an account here too, i derive nothing.
this only goes to show the depth to which my nemesis will sink to torpedo anything i do or say. (now, before you accuse me of undue paranoia, let me emphasize, that we both agree we are opponents. in fact, we did this walking around towson town mall one day, and i want to say that it is only with great love that you can truly become someone's arch-foe. you have to know their quirks, you have to understand their motivations and you have to really get inside their heads before you are able to thwart their vile plans. i think all good guy/bad guy relationships are like this. where would spidey be without doc oct?
where would superman be without lex luthor? austin powers without dr. evil? hmmmmmmmmmmmm?)
here i am, just trying to spread my own special brand of cheer and happines, and he has to go ruin it all for everyone. but, that is his way, and i have to remind myself that a light (me) shines brightest and best in the darkness (him).
anyway, if you want to read his crap go to upsidedownhippo.blogspot.com where you can find how he drones on about his pathetic, flying monkey-infested life. and his little dog, goblin, too.

who names a dog goblin, anyway?
posted by gregorio at 2:15 PM

 
today is free slurpee day! get yours at any participating 7-11.
i say "any participating" one because, apparently, not all are. or at least not yet. i went to get my little
piece of free stuff from the 7-11 on 33rd and greenmount, figuring i would enjoy my frozen treat as i walked to the book barn and sip simply as i sauntered.
WRONG!
i went there, only to hear that they "were out of cups." well, this is not precisely true: they did not HAVE
the cups. why? well the manager had not brought them yet. i could have accepted that as an answer had this been at 8 or 9am. however, it was at 11.30 in the morning. i realize that it was before lunch, when the store really gets a-hoppin', but come on. there was this old guy who was there to get his, too, and he was as unhappy as i was. "saw it on the teevee last night. said thers gonna be freeeee slurps tuday." i agreed, that the tragedy was of a cosmic scale, and inquired with the helpful staff as to a timeframe in which i could begin to expect my sample slurpee. "ah don know."
-a guestimate, perhaps? "ah don know." one of the other, younger girls interjected, "miss kim, she comes and goes when she wants."
now this was an answer i could live with, and i told them so. i could not get mad at them; my boss sucks, why not theirs too? i waited around for about ten minuites, but i looked at my watch, and i have better things to do, people to meet, this blog to write than to hang around waiting for godot-san.
so, i tripped over to the other one, the one on 29th street. they had the cups.
now, these cups are small, but, realistically, what should you expect? a full, 20 oz slurpee for free? dream on, communist! it's only 4-5 oz (and i am being kind), but it was free, it was pina colada, and it was delicious. partly cuz of the colada, partly cuz of the free, which, as you all know, is my favourite flavour anyway.
so, get your free slurpee, today. at participating stores.
posted by gregorio at 12:25 PM

 
hello, everyone! welcome to my blog. (or, in my case, blah-g.)
finally, i have a forum for all the exciting adventures i have, and all the brilliant ideas. i can tell you about
the cafes of paris, or about the darling little noodle shop i found in a quiet corner of tokyo. or, i can tell
you all the lies i am dying to make up. which, i admit, will probably constitute about 90% of this venture.
of course, they won't all be lies, but you can have fun figuring out which is which. my gift to you!
ok. now the disclaimers: no names will be changed. no one is getting away with anything, and no one
will come off looking bad unless they really make me mad. which, not for nothing, happens alot. anything you say can and will be used in here.

but enuf about me.

this week has been a heady combination of complete boredom and total fun.
me and rachelle went to arundel mills on fouth july. beat the heat, and beat the man! two movies for the price of one! woo hoo! (um, no your honour, um, that's one of the aforementioned lies i was talking about. really). anyway, mib ii is fun eyecandy. minority report is not bad, and the technology is not so over the top that i can't believe it. imagine a light and airey blade runner.

friday i read my book outside images cafe. crazy mike, our lovable homeless schizophrenic, paced up and down, oh, i would say, a couple dozen times. the funny thing is about mike, he is very intense, he is a liiiiiitle scary, but, honestly, he fixates on things that will give you pause. of course, he panhandled everyone, but after his fifteenth run up and down st. paul, he couldn't bring himself to improve his financial
situation, because some metaphysical problem must have weighed heavily on his mind. up and down, up and down, not yelling, not really muttering either, just mulling, i guess: "always some fucking monkey. always some got-dam monkey. always some monkey." (this is the abridged version, mind you, if you know the guy,you get the picture.) the funny thing is, he's right. always IS some monkey. doing what, i don't know, but the monkey part is true.

and then today, i make my blog. how fun!
posted by gregorio at 1:22 PM